To be at the mercy of any bureaucracy is at best annoying, at worst terrifying. Here, now, at some agency between me and customs and between me and my package. Speaking a kindergarten level of Spanish requires that I dissociate just to endure time. I'm not even in queue: it's time for lunch.
In this warehouse is an entrance and three doors. I came through the door guardian, a woman who speaks some English and who was able to tell me the sequence. Door 2, back to her, door 3 for Sr. Customs, visit 1; door 1 for something, door 2 for something else, door 1 but only partway in to pay for the 'rent' of my package: (Days x kilos. Factor in how long I've been in the country), door 3 again to Sr. Customs with a form stamped paid, then finally door 1 to retrieve my package with the paperwork and then door 2 or a final goodbye before handing something to the guardian of the doors to be allowed to leave the warehouse. I know that I left some door hopping out because there are 12 steps, according to the website of this place. I came in having performed step 1 so I only have 11 steps today, and at this point I've also gone through step 2 so I'm down to 10.
Even to get to this building which is on the airport property but not near it by any means the remise driver took us by many gates with multiple guards. My passport was taken, inspected, and used to generate a ticket by a uniformed man with some kind of weapon. While my driver does not speak English he has been tasked to take me to an exact address by the hotel manager. And then, because we all thought I was going to the airport, he was going to leave me since we had no indication how long this process would take.
I received a slip of paper with my name on it, as well as my date of entry into the country. The remise driver, Coco, (Coconut in Spanish), as we drove through several gates of guards, me showing my passport and slip of paper, Coco did the talking, trying to find my destination: Solicitud de Particulares, As we got deeper into this warren of gates, he offered to wait for me at a cost and not charge me for the trip back. I looked at warehouses, guards, forklifts and packages the size of my shed and said yes of course. I tried to talk to him about where I would find him but he said no, he'd find me. I was told I'd have to go the rest of the way alone on foot. Sr Coco let me out and thus began the process of showing not only the slip of paper and my passport but my 'guia', which means guide and makes no sense in this context because it was a copy of the shipping label stamped paid.
Okay, so what I'm picking up is a package of refills of my meds that a shipping company accepted payment for to express deliver it to my door. Yesterday I received a mysterious letter. Half of it was for what a business was supposed to do, and half of it for someone like me. The clearest part of the letter was that I needed to pay $60 + tax = $73 US to receive the 'guia'. I had to go to an office in Centro to do this. Most every office I've been in has those machines we have in grocery stores or delis where you pull out a number and wait for it to be called. In this instance there were two machines both with the name of the company so I took a guess and picked one. And then since nothing seemed to be happening, I took one from the other machine, which made a woman behind a glass window start chastising me. She told me to sit down and wait for my number. Okay fine, I figured out which was the correct number since it was apparently not she who would be helping me. My number came up, and some other guy jumped up and went to the window. A man sitting next to me looked over and shook his head because he could see that I was holding the winning number. But that too passed, When I did get to the window, we spoke Spanglish. I do that a lot. The man took my letter, my $100 bill US, my passport, my copy of my passport and disappeared. He came back with a photocopy of my $100, front and back, and gave me this 'guia'. Now what, I asked. He gave me the address of the place I'm now sitting, and dismissed me with a 'good luck'.
Now, in the meantime, the shipping company had told us several stories. The first was that the US branch should have told Fredd that they never deliver meds to the door in Argentina. What they would do, however, is give my package to a broker, What broker? The hotel's broker. The hotel doesn't have a broker. But that's who we gave it to.
Okay.
On the US side, Fredd had to speak to the one Argentinean specialist. I'm supposed to have received permission from agency in the US to ship the meds, and some agency in Argentina to receive them. Or I need the original prescriptions, which are no longer in our possession since otherwise I wouldn't have the meds. Okay I need copies. Copies are in the box. You can't open the box. And then they mysterious broker would get the package through customs but the shipping company had absolved themselves of responsibility once I paid the tariff so no need to call again.
My hotel manager friends Alejandro and Carlos 2 (there are 3) have called various places to see if they could find out where the package might actually be. And that's when Alejandro found this woman, the door guardian, who speaks some English and brought me to the first door which was door number 2. But first she asked me if the meds were for personal use or to sell. She was confused because the package weighed so little. I told they were for me and she relayed this to the woman at desk 1 door 2 who used her computer to generate another piece of paper with a case number and told me to return to the door guardian….who very apologetically told me that normally I would then go to door 3 but it was 13:00 and that's when everyone goes to lunch for an hour. I asked her if she could write me a note explaining this to Coco so that he could make up his mind about staying. When I walked out to show him the note I was told I couldn't go out and come back so I walked up to the chain link fence where he stood, staring in at the activity that had now slowed down, thinking I was coming to say let's go. I held the note up to the fence and he read it and he said he would wait and that I could find him at the fence. So, now if I wanted my package I had to wait out lunch. I felt as if I was in a zoo.
To pass the time I used my iphone to write this much, because conjugating verbs out loud was my second best option.
At about 10 to a few people came in and joined me on the chairs. Some of them seemed nervous. I, as I said, had decided to dissociate. 14:00 came and went but the door guardian who had said she'd take me to the next place had not returned. A very jolly man sitting next to me asked me what I was doing. I said waiting because I didn't know what to do next. He looked at my form, saw that door 2 desk 1 had given me a number, and he told me to follow him. We went into door 3, desk 2, Sr. Customs. He was the only person dressed in a suit and tie. He never cracked a smile. He looked at my paperwork, began speaking very excitedly and very quickly and I repeated that I didn't speak much Spanish and por favor a bit slower. He was exasperated. He told me to follow him and we went into door 1. This turned out to be a huge warehouse with a small office to the right but we went right to where the packages were being held…renting space. My little box was dwarfed by the others. I still didn't know how it got to be in this place, taken I suppose by the mysterious broker. Sr. Customs asked for my box, looked disgusted, asked for a knife. He slit open the top, saw that whatever might be in there was protected by bubble wrap and looked at me again disgusted. I actually understood what he asked me: why are you here? And I said to get my package. And I put my hands on it to take it with me and Sr. Customs and three people behind the counter yelled 'Stop! No!'. So I followed the very annoyed Sr. Customs back to door 3 and he told me to do something I could not understand. Nevertheless I left with now another piece of paper. Door guardian was back and she explained that now I was to go to door 1. I understood this to mean into the small office where there were two desks. I began my 'I only speak a little Spanish' when desk 2 said English? And, come here. He was trying to fix a stapler and spent about five minutes jacking around with it open while I waited for him to shoot his eye out. When he finished, he looked through my papers and calculated the days x kilo rent. I paid it, but it took a very long time because this guy wanted to ask me about Elvis and I strained to come up with something interesting so he'd give me back my papers. He gave me a new one as well, some information in triplicate. He told me to go now to Sr. Customs again. So back to Door 3, Sr, Customs asked again why I was there, then took a heavy stamp and pounded on the triplicate form in triplicate, took 1 copy and shooed me out. I went back to door 1, little office, but this time desk 1, Honestly at this juncture I cannot remember what this guy needed to do, but it was the step between customs and the package because then I got to go back to the counter, hand over another copy and get my package. But, I couldn't leave without door 2 again, this time desk 2. Then door guardian, then out.
I saw Coco at the fence and walked toward him and he gave me a thumbs up when he saw my package. I started to go out the door, but an armed guy pointed me in another direction, I think I was walking along a bus route, or maybe those big arrows were for people whose eyes had failed in the dark. I saw a very narrow path—mostly cars were going through this exit, and was waved over by a guard without a gun, He asked for my paper. I kept trying to give him something I had received during the course of my visit and eventually I displayed the correct form—my entry pass.
And there you have it. A package I needed because I get my prescriptions in 3 month supply and they automatically refill, which Fredd paid $135 to ship to my door, which may or may not have landed with a broker (probably not since I dealt with Sr, Customs directly), another $73 US tariff, 170 pesos 'rent' for my package which sat there for three days before I was informed that it had been lolling about, 180 pesos to Coco for his time. And in all of this, somewhere communication broke down because it really did annoy Sr. Customs that I was bothering him with personal medicine when he had big imports and exports to deal with.
Alejandro, my hotel friend, reminded me when this ordeal began that people may call this the Paris of Latin America but they need to put the emphasis on the latter not the former. He said Argentina loves bureaucracy. He told me about a friend who had joined an ecological organization and was sent a t-shirt and cap. He had to pay 200 pesos to get them out of customs because they had not been made in Argentina. I don't know what would have happened if I had to pay a Made In USA tariff on my meds.
The whole process of going back and forth between numbered offices but in no particular order had me laughing by the end, but only to myself. I know I went thr0ugh it, but it seemed so absurd at the time and even more so upon reflection.
Everyone was patient and nice and even Sr. Customs wasn't so bad. Definitely getting by with the help of friends, of a few days or minutes. Life is good.